This was prompted by my reluctant admission that at age 65 I realise that cannot hope to be a great composer or even an adequate writer of popular songs as I lack the training, a lifetime of dedication and time even if I had any talent (which may well be the biggest shortage of all). Computers, digital ensembles and software help in some ways but they impose their own specialised burden of problems, some of which are very challenging for a part time user and which therefore increase the odds against whilst not really solving any of the fundamental shortages noted above.
Another new acquisition is the electronic chess set which beats me effortlessly at even the weakest setting; however, this is different to composing in that I never wanted to become a chess master or play competitively. A recent search of my office for Sibelius software revealed masses of other work, equipment and games which have been active at some time in the past (not always briefly) but then set aside.
To this list I can add my various business interests which at one time had the justification of earning my living but cannot now be justified in that way.
So why do I do things?
To answer this we probably need to take the list in reverse order and start with the business activity because this was entirely justified for the first 30 years of my working life and has only become optional for the last 15 or so. These last years could be explained by the motivation of wanting to (a) prove that it was me and not Twho was the genius and (b) having done that, to continue winning. NPS is certainly holding out prospects of becoming the biggest win of all, but win or lose, does it make sense to keep on keeping on?
If we accept that `use it or lose it’ applies to brains, then continuing to work ensures that we have a degree of insurance against the worst possible happening. My work is now very much part time and adjustable and so this is probably one of the best managed areas of my life; I work enough to justify my existence and enough to help the businesses and this helps to polish my giant ego as well as keep me in contact with intelligent youngsters against whom I can rate myself and confirm that I am functioning well. But if I need time off to go snowboarding or sailing, then I can just do it whenever I want and so this is as near a perfect life as anyone could hope especially if you take into account the date and place.
The electronic chess set is especially handy for stretching my mind because, unlike bridge, it is all laid out before me and makes few demands on memory. It is an enjoyable game and again provides a useful rating mechanism using the scoring system. This is certainly a fun way to stay in mental trim.
The music is rather like the chess except that it offers also offers a slim chance of outsiders listening and enjoying what I have produced (if I ever get to that stage).
Both the SIPR, the OYTS and my own writings for the web involve spending either money or hard work, with the benefits going to others but are not such lonesome activities and they also have the kudos of helping my self esteem.
However, we like to imagine that we are modern and run our lives on a sensible and logical basis despite the fact that we know very well that we are simply `highly evolved monkeys’. We freely acknowledge our `humble beginnings’ but would like to think that when we left behind fur and tail, we also left behind the primitive instinctive thinking that is about the best that animals can manage.
The reality is that our emotions are the remains of our animal instincts but just given a less primitive sounding name. This means that the emotional content of our decisions is just as well founded in logic as an animal’s (and hence logical in their terms even if illogical seen through our unemotional logic). All of our decisions are a mixture of logic and emotion but we are frequently only willing to acknowledge the logical elements. Decisions which are largely emotional are frequently illogical and this poses a problem for us in that we are apparently going to make an illogical decision and are still unwilling or unable to clarify the true emotional reason which is driving us. We often get round this by inventing logical sounding reasons for the decision (e.g. I bought a new car because the old one was about to start costing us money).
So our emotions (our feelings) are logical in the sense that they would have made sense to our ancestors in an equivalent situation but we need to understand where they originate and then determine if they are relevant to our modern situation (They may well be: falling over a 50ft cliff is just as fatal as it ever was). But a girl who sleeps with a pop star probably will not subsequently enjoy the survival benefits that copulating with the most powerful monkey in the troop may have once had.
Conclusion:
So the question `Why do I do things?’ has to be re-phrased into `Why might we have done things in the past?’ The answer of course is that in the past, if you sat on your arse and did nothing your children died and you quickly followed. We did things then because we had to! So we can expect our feelings to push us to be productive and these productive urges impel us into co-operative efforts with other like-minded individuals because that too made good sense in the past.
So that is the emotional/illogical/instinctive reason for staying productive. But the emotional and logical reasons may not be in conflict even though based on different considerations.
Practically all of the things I do keep my mind and/or body active and Most of them (either potentially or in reality) help or may entertain others, apart from snowboarding and chess. These last activities are not about helping others or about earning money, they are on the list because these are things that I do mainly because I simply enjoy these activities. They are demanding and will take all I can offer because they have no limits. Of the two, snowboarding is best because of the physical side and the bright environment.
I can add to the above after the Jan 2005 trip to Val d’Isere where I damaged ribs, knee and ankle through my own and another’s mistakes; and then struggled to edit the video. As a generalist, capable of doing lots of different things (i.e. living life to the full), I am not really an expert at any of them and when it comes to technology, not being an expert means that you suffer a life of frustration as you attempt (and fail miserably) to do something which you feel sure ought to be possible (and can therefore presumably be done by millions). It puts you at the bottom of this millions strong heap and this is not good for the ego, you feel an idiot.
Despite this reasonable deduction, I found that (a) the board had been badly serviced and I did not appreciate the board dynamics (I do now) which led to the first accident. The second was plain ignorance and neglect on my part and I paid the price.
The video problem was really due to my logical expectations being let down by Sony’s marketing decisions. In this case, the editing software would not work with the camera (or at least, not yet) and is generally regarded as LOUSY. The software I bought could not accept USB inputs and the camera could only output to USB so I was screwed there too.
From this, it is clear that it is better to buy high tech products through a shop, pay a little more but get advice rather than simply trust that there is not some hidden aspect of the technology which will cause a foul up later.
Rereading the above in Sept 2007, I would now not regard our emotions as mere vestiges of the animal instincts but even more highly evolved instincts which happen to be over-ridden by the logical cortex of the human brain.
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